my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
