That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My dad is sitting where you rode me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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