i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
