so that wasnt chicken after all
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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