Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
