My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
