I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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