I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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