Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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