Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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