I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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