I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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