i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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