I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
