I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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