watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
