I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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