You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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