At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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