It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
