He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
