well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
