i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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