yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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