woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
