life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
