youre lurking in front of me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
