Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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