I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
