ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
