Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
