I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
