I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
