so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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