Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
