My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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