She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
