did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
