New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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