if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
