My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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