two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You left your phone here
Wait...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
