where am i from again
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
