this just has baby written all over it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
