Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
