This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
