Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
