I'm going to jail i love you
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
