where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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