Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
