I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
