fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
