There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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