Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
