it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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