Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
