you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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