There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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