She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
