You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
