I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
