We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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