do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
