I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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