my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
