Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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