I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
