I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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